I know it’s been quite some time since I last wrote on my blog. Motherhood has been awesome and overwhelming . . . all at the same time. Added to the mix, has been other mental and emotional changes and struggles that I am dealing with in this new role, which makes a commitment to my art practice laborious.
But the Spirit is pushing me to create.
But I have never known the power of resistance that rises in me as I do now.
Through all the upheaval my inner world is going through, the rhythm to which I moved previously, has been disrupted.
So last weekend, I found myself at St. Benedict’s Retreat Center in Winnipeg, hoping to reset the rhythm of life and creativity I have lost.
And what do you know? Unknown to me, the retreat leaders picked that very topic – the rhythm of life – to talk about. Every time someone mentioned the words, they resonated deep inside me and my soul and spirit reverberated with the voice of the Spirit who kept nudging me to find the rhythm, even in the mundane of life.
Now the mundane has always been difficult for me. I have in previous seasons, thrived on spontaneity; routine being quite alien to me, not to mention averse.
But there is no way I can ignore the necessary and steady, albeit, dull rhythm the duties and responsibilities of motherhood sets. In fact, I suspect, the more I fight it, the more agonising the struggle.
During and after the retreat, it is slowly becoming clear to me that I never lost the rhythm of life; instead, a new one has been infused into my life.
To look at previous seasons and long for that more free-spirited beat is helpful neither to me nor the ones I love. . .
I need to embrace this new rhythm that is being presented to me.
I need to intentionally discover the rhythm even in the mundane, including new ways of being and creating. . .
It’s the only way to cultivating delight in this haze and rote of the mundane.
Delight is the basis of an abundant and wholehearted life.
There is so much resistance within me (Steven Pressfield aptly calls self-sabotage) against this narrow way towards wholehearted living.
But how can I risk letting my thirsty soul and ever-lasting spirit fade into the background of everyday living?
I pray for the wisdom, strength, and peace to move into this new rhythm of life, remaining true to that clear call which resonated within some time ago:
I AM ARTIST.